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Pro Golfer Tripp Isenhour shot and killed a hawk with a golf ball yesterday in an incident that can only be described as a criminal act. Michael Vick move over. Your new cell mate is on the way.

Tripp was making a golf instruction video when the hawk started complaining that he was not being clear and could he repeat a few things. The golfer then got in his golf cart and moved a couple of hundred yards closer to the bird. The bird responded by moving about 25 yards closer to Tripp. So now they are 75 yards apart and suddenly golf shots start heading in the direction of the hawk.

The hawk soon realized that this was some kind of old western high noon drama but he didn’t have a gun. So he just stood his ground and waited to see what was going to happen next. Probably he knew that this moron was no Tiger Woods and felt he was pretty safe. How many golf balls is anybody going to hit out in the middle of the fairway anyway? Those things aren’t cheap.

And Isenhour probably agreed with him (except for the moron part). He knew the bird was pretty safe. But let’s think about this a moment. Let’s say this golfing genius has a four year old daughter and she is sitting in the grass 75 yards away. Is he going to take out his driver and start drilling balls in her direction? No. Why?

Because he might hit her! And people are upset. What does he have to say for himself?

“That’s obviously people who don’t know very much about golf,” he said. “To say it’s a one-in-a-million shot for an accident like that to happen, you know, and when it did happen, I was very remorseful, very upset that it happened.”

The sound man who was recording the golf lesson had this to say to the PGA professional.

” What did you expect was going to happen? You’re a pro golfer, you’re hitting line drives right at it.”

Well I guess I am one of those guys who doesn’t know very much about golf. But I wouldn’t dream of hitting a golf ball at a bird. Any bird. Why?

Because golf balls hurt! I know enough about golf to realize they travel at high speed and can put a dent in you. This actually happened to me one time as a drive somehow managed to come through the trees and hit me as I was standing behind a golf cart. It was an amazing shot and the golf ball probably had my name on it.

And it hurt like a bewitch for quite awhile. But I was lucky. Because when our friend the hawk finally was whacked he fell down and started bleeding from both nostrils.

I can imagine what he was thinking. “I can’t believe this bozo hit me with one of his stupid golf balls.” And “Well. That’s it for me. I’m out of here. Next time I’m coming back as a dolphin.”

And next time Tripp Isenhour comes back he should be a caddy who has a night job picking up golf balls on a driving range in one of those old trucks. The ones with screen over the windows and ( hopefully) a bulls eye that someone has playfully painted on the side of the truck.